Preface part 1: “Broken”

My fellow inmates.

Welcome to the new site, welcome to my new intentions, welcome to my newest addiction.

Welcome to a broken place… A site of “Coming Soons” & “To be continueds”

…a fair summation of me, at the moment, to be honest…

“Site builders inquire within*

To those who know me from my former websites & writings, welcome back.

To those who know me from my 10 years on Twitter…

I’m so sorry.

Lol

😏

To those who don’t know me…

Hi.

My name is Asylum

Known as “Elder” by some, “Unc” by others, and “That crazy ass Motherfucker” by those who love me the most.

Lol

😈

This website reflects me at the moment…

Half put together, inactive, funky alignments & waiting for someone to fix my header.

😁

Our main magazine page works now, as does signing up for an account.

I have locked the social media section down at the moment.

It’s there and you can post text comments, and start building an account, however until we can fix the alignment issues, and add more to the social media page to make it worth using, I will keep extra issues like random pix and vid on the back burner.

Besides could you imagine the liability of allowing others to freely post pic/vid content?

Lol

Nuuuu….

For many years Asylum was high on life, literally everything was going my way. The blog was successful, the videos were stupidly popular, my Twitter account just grew and grew. The website was seeing 3000 unique individual users a day.

I had 2 million views on Xtube

I wasn’t ready for that popularity. I was simply just producing shit for my own enjoyment.

I went sailing off the deep end. In my oak barrel, with a glass of Whisky in one hand, a pile of Amphetamines in the other, waiving a cowboy hat in the air, and screaming “Yee, Hah motherfuckers!”, as I flew over the edge.

I have since been diagnosed as CPTSD

My diagnosis has a 47% higher suicide rate than the normal person.

   “There is only one god, and His name is Death. And there is only one thing we say to Death: ‘not today’.”

That said, I’m 47 & still here.

In regards to my writings, Ten years ago I gave up.

RECAP:

2013:

I suffered many backlashes. I have always helped very very hard boys. At this point I was dealing with both issues of kleptomania & threats of suicide while holding a loaded weapon.

Lol, my life may be like a rollercoaster, but I have always hoped that my boys have left my side in better spaces than they first came.

My doctor also first prescribed me Adderall…

Woooooooo!

Lol, the prescription was too strong. I became Superman. They were IR’s, which stands for instant release.

One pill felt like the first hill on a rollercoaster with a JATO takeoff.

O-60 in 2 seconds

Every morning was a legal drug high. To be fair while this medication was fun, it had its negatives.

I sat down in regards to blogging or writing new stories as my depression issues were beginning to eat me alive.

2014:

Saw the loss of two boys, one left on a whim, over text while I was in a meeting at work

He became distant as I chased unrequited closure

Between the high dose of legal speed and my torn apart heart, I quit of my job.

A rage filled “fuck you” email after 10 years a AT&T

We can say the drugs changed me. High as a kite everyday, feeling strung out, disassociated.

Bought me a sporty roadster to signal the start of my midlife crisis.

Alienated a boy I adored, as it was a two seater & 3 was too many.

…He left on Christmas Day

2015:

Saw the loss of the finished first episode of my seriously overproduced podcast due to a computer crash. (Windows 10 bootloop error)

A former friend borrowed my dead boy’s gear & opted to inform me he was keeping it as I owed him money.

My eBay business was crashing as I hired the wrong people. We had a room full of products that weren’t getting listed.

My $30k savings turned into $10k as I poured money into the business.

*Revving up the car, and aiming for the edge again*

$10k left?

Vegas here I come!!!

Spent a week in a suite and sat front row for many shows

I went broke happily, I got to crash in the most epic and fun way. Treated like a King for a week in the Land of Sin.

The picture at home, when I returned, was murky and dire.

I took out loans from a fandom loanshark.

Lost my videogame room in collateral.

Packed up every bit of 27 systems and 1400 games to deliver to this person

I had lost so much… That former high of being “Asylum” was wearing off.

Then came the nervous breakdown

And suddenly a guardian angel appeared… Saved our lives. An amazing story.

The old website was deleted & we lost our home

Oh… And I almost forgot the drug dealer who called the cops on us. Lol

*rollercoaster hits a dip*

2016:

The IRS knocked as we scrambled to find a new place. Friends caught us as we fell.

Asylum pushed a cart at Amazon, for 3 weeks before the recruiters for Valve called.

*Rollercoaster back up the hill*

2017:

Saw my first suicide attempt after the loss of the best job of my life, after a rage blowout.

I may have cc’d the CEO on a “fuck you” email

*cough*

2018:

I decided I wanted a “less stress” position so I asked myself what I like. Well, I did like to shop in thrift stores, so let’s see what’s that’s like.

I managed that store for a year and a half.

Almost saw my head caved in by a crazy  gentleman with an aluminum baseball bat.

2019:

Saw my doctor retire & all my meds were stripped from me because “Benzos are dangerous”.

Fuck me; anxiety & panic attacks again.

2020-2023:

The world implodes… multiple other suicide attempts.

Multiple other attempts at finding a doctor to help.

It’s 2024…

For so many years I have hung on to my Twitter for dear life as I have suffered quietly and privately.

Now Twitter is slowly dying.

So I get to choose whether “Rubberasylum” is to either die with it or get off my ass and do something

Literally anything.

“ADHD Paralysis” I believe they call it.

Kinksters came looking to dig me out of my hole to tell me that I’m needed at this moment in time.

That my writings are needed

This stage… This broken ass stage that I currently stand in, and am talking to you from at the moment…

This was constructed for me by the community.

Tech is a foreign concept to me. I’m just the Ringmaster.

People believe in me.

So I asked myself.

How could I speak? How could I ever come back, out of the blue, from where have I been for the last decade?

How could I ever tell you my truths?

I used to write about all the amazing and good shit that happened in my kink life.

How can I pick up from a ten year gap and not talk about where I’ve been?

This is the 4th time a new site has been built for me, yet I was unable to write previously

…ADHD paralysis…

Yet I find myself now with new connections and new outlets.

Princess Reese is my new sub that shall train under me.

Twitter is slowly coughing up blood.

A new space is needed.

I’m not saying this is it, but hopefully we can aspire to be a fun stop upon your way.

I can’t tell you how much it bothers me to have so much not ready here, yet for me, I need to start to write to prove to those already fighting for me that I’m willing to produce again & fight a bit for myself

*Site constructors needed*

I welcome you to my new effort.

I invite you to explore.

Lots of good intentions at the moment, which is why I left the headers visible. We shall add more as we go.

I haven’t worked in 4 years, since I got sick, and I’m starting to go stir crazy.

I must do something, so this shall be my new focus.

*Site constructors wanted*

Heh.

So hello from square one.

Please don’t wear open toed shoes around here, as I’m sure there’re are nails sticking out here and there…

I haven’t even opened an LLC yet, so tell your attorney to stop salivating about your pinky toe puncture wound!

Lol

I won’t let this shit beat me.

I’m a fighter

More soon, my friends

With That, Visiting Time Is Over.

What Ever You Do Don’t Scream Too Loud As Others Are Trying To Sleep.

~Asylum